Choices Are Hard to Live With

by AgentOhio3 (ao3)

8- Choices Are Hard to Live With

               After the blip, many people took their time in the acceptance of the world changing once again.

               But like many, Y/N was no exception. Despite being an Avenger and having been on the frontlines of saving the universe… Certain things still kept her up at night. None of those things tended to be good, most of it was debating whether she could have saved lives that had been lost.

               So many things had happened to the multiverse, none of them good. But Y/N couldn’t just admit to her own plans. So her concerns for the multiverse stayed between her and now Loki and Sylvie. The list went on, but Y/N’s biggest concern was Yelena.

               When Nat had asked for help in rescuing her younger sister, Y/N had jumped at the chance to get back out there. Knowing she’d be helping many of the Black Widows only furthered her want to assist. Those women had always deserved better, but knowing that many of them were under a mind control? Y/N’s blood boiled at the thought alone. What better way than being a distraction?

               But now, with Nat dead, Yelena was working with some lady named Valentina. The same lady employing John Walker. I guess she was getting people to help with whatever nefarious plans she was helping to complete.

               I couldn’t find much on her; she was off the radar for the most part. Her name floated on the web, but nothing to speak of what she did for work.

               I pulled up to the graveyard, being careful of the mud covering the ground. Finding a place to park that wasn’t covered in mud was a challenge. I needed new boots and soon, just haven’t been able to get out to get them. Too many dead ends trying to get tied up.

               I let my feet slide to meet the ground, the mud splattering up along my boots and some of my jeans. I huffed, but shut the door, adjusting my bag over my shoulder.

               I followed the short path, along the stream and over the roots of the big trees.

               Fanny trotted up to me as Yelena came into my line of sight, I stooped down to pet her. Cooing at her and ruffling her ears as I continued.

               Yelena was crouched on the side of the tombstone that read ‘Natasha Romanoff.’ Stuffed animals, pictures and candles littered the front of the grave. Her head was resting on the edge as she whistled out a long note.

               I crouched next to her, wrapping my arms around her back. I whistled the short note back to her as I placed a hand on the grave. “Hey, Nat.”

               Yelena’s hand laced with mine over her shoulder as she glanced at me. A soft smile graced her face as we stood to move back in front of Natasha’s grave. It had been Nat’s last request, to always finish the note when I was around.

               Our hands stayed laced together as we stood in silence, my memories of Natasha flashing before my eyes. It had been 6 long years so far. I’d been busy helping Bucky and Sam with the Flag Smashers and had less time with Yelena because of it. Granted, she was busy on her own things to get done.

               I could hear the crunch of leaves before we saw her. Valentina stopped on Yelena’s other side, blowing her nose loudly. I gripped Yelena’s hand, trying not to just punch Valentina in the face. “Wow. Sorry.” I rolled my eyes at Valerie’s voice. “I’m allergic to the Midwest.”

               I huffed, Yelena’s hand tightening on mine as I started to move. A clear request to not do anything dumb.  

               “What this woman did, honestly, I can’t even imagine.” Her voice was void of emotion, I huffed again and shuffled my feet. Damn right you can’t, she sacrificed herself for a stupid fucking stone to undo the shit Thanos started!

               “You’re not supposed to be bothering me on my holiday time, Valentina.” Yelena’s voice was stiff, her eyes on the grave. Great, I was about to lose my time with her. Fuck me.

               “Oh, bothering you? Oh, no, no! I’m just here paying my respects.” I glanced over at Valentina to roll my eyes at her.

               “Hmmm.” Yelena nodded her head in a sarcastic manner. “You know, coming here makes you look desperate.”

               Valentina chuckled and Yelena smiled at her.

               “Okay.” Valentina’s face was still smiling, while Yelena’s had fallen.

               “I want a raise.” Yelena’s voice was steady, we both knew why she was here in person.

               “Oh, yeah. You and me both.” Valentina started digging in her bag, “Believe me, you’re gonna earn it.” She pulled out an iPad, “I’ve got your next target.”

               Valentina’s eyes landed on me, glancing down at our intertwined hands. She shooed me away. “Seriously?”

               I rolled my eyes as I moved to pull away from Yelena, she kept her grip and pulled me back to her. “We’ll talk about it when she leaves.” She kissed my cheek, smiling as I kept my face neutral and moved away from them.

               I found Fanny a little way from them, out of earshot and unable to see the iPad, I stooped down. Fanny came up to me, wagging her tail and letting out a small bark.

               “Hey girl, keeping Yelena out of trouble I hope?” A happy bark and wag of her tail told me yes.

               I glanced back at the two women; their faces were neutral as Yelena looked at the iPad. She nodded, handing the iPad back.

               Valentina strutted away and I stood, Fanny following me, as I moved back to her side.

               “Who’s your target?” I stood with my hip cocked, fully aware of how Natasha died. I’d gotten the story from Clint Barton himself. I crossed my arms and kept my stare level, watching Yelena’s face but keeping an eye on Valentina. She glanced back at us, waving with a sickening smile plastered across her lips.

               I had been suspicious of her as soon as she’d employed Yelena to take on a few targets. She was careful in who she chose, not everyone got chosen by her. She had a system and it related to the targets.

               Yelena sighed, whistling to Fanny and turning away from me.

               “Seriously? You’re going to walk away? You said we’d talk!” She didn’t turn back to me as I huffed to follow her.

               We moved back through the path, coming in view of our trucks. She opened the door, whistling as Fanny jumped in. Once Fanny was clear of the door, I slammed it shut. Trapping her between my arms.

               “Yelena. Please. Talk to me. If she’s sending you after my friends. You know whose side I’ll take.” I kept her gaze on mine, my fingers finding her chin. We couldn’t risk any more dead heroes, no matter how debatable their pasts were. We were taking in some very debatable characters lately.

               “I can’t tell you. You know that.” She looked away from me.

               I saw Valentina out of the corner of my eye, “If it’s Clint. Please. Reconsider.”

               In a rare moment, Yelena’s eyes snapped to mine. A rage flaring behind them. “Why? Are you going to say that he didn’t kill my sister?”

               I sighed, letting my forehead fall to hers. I could feel her relax. “He didn’t. She sacrificed herself. Tossed herself off the side of that cliff for that stupid stone. Both of them tried to kill themselves.” I kissed her nose. “Please don’t put a target on your back from the Avengers. I have a promise to keep to both her and Tony. You know the promise.” She looked at me briefly. “I have to stay with the Avengers, work on fixing our current members. And keeping an eye on you, loving you how you deserve to be loved despite the hardships you’ve faced and probably will continue to face.”

               She sighed, her hands resting on my hips. “I’ll see you at the compound?” She had nothing to say to my small speech, I probably wouldn’t either.

               I sighed, pulling away from her and nodding, “Not too late, I hope?”

               She nodded, smiling lightly at me as she captured my lips with her own. They were as soft as they usually were. Her hands rubbed up my sides, sneaking under my coat to grip at my sides. Her lips left mine as her forehead hit mine again. She let out the long whistle and I replied in kind, placing a chaste and quick kiss to her lips again.

               I stood back, opening her door and offering my hand to help her in. She didn’t need it, but she took it gratefully. I shut the door and stood back, watching as she pulled away.

               I moved back to my truck, pulling the door open and pulling out to head on the way to upstate New York.

               The compound had been finished just before Tony had passed. The small statues of himself and Natasha stood just inside the gate. Their faces for all to see, their usual suits donning them. I felt the pang in my chest at their faces, their expressions victorious and proud. My friends who had sacrificed so much…

               I smiled as Friday opened the gates, pulling my truck into the parking garage. Oh, Bucky and Sam were back… That’s kind of weird. Thought they had some strings to tie up with the super soldier serum floating around. Not to mention Zemo being out and about again.

               I pulled my bag out, shutting the door and moving into the compound. I passed Sam training some new recruits, Clint going over the Sokovia Accords. Bucky was leaning against the back wall, reading a book, and giving points as he felt was right.

               I stopped next to him, flashing a smile at him as I watched Clint. He spoke with an air of familiarity and ease. We’d broken these Accords after all, very familiar with what we sacrificed for the man next to me. His voice was clear and projected across the room. The scratch of pens against paper as the new Avenger’s wrote notes. A worry creased my face.

               “You look worried.” I heard the book snap shut as Bucky gripped my elbow and gently pushed me from the room. He was reading, what the hell?

               He slung his arm around my shoulders as we walked the halls, “What’s going on, kiddo?”

               I’d been fast friends with Steve and hadn’t hesitated to help save Bucky, thus gaining another very good and loyal friend. Taking that risk like the rest of us as we got locked up for our involvement. I’d do it again too. Steve had been quick to get us out and Tony had turned a blind eye in a way of thanks to Steve for sparing his life and promising to help if needed.

Tony had welcomed me back with open arms, promising to forgive us all. In time though.

I wrapped my arm around his back, my hand gripping around his waist.

               “Just, worried. Something I can’t say about.” I smiled sadly up at him, and he smiled back.

               “You know you can always count on any of us.” He was suspicious, as he should be. But I couldn’t throw Yelena under the bus if I didn’t know she would accept the job.

               “I know.” I squeezed his side. “Just. It’s a moral grey zone for me and I need to wait to see what unfolds.”

               He hummed quietly to himself as we rounded the corner, coming face to face with Pepper and Morgan.

               The girl had grown some, filling out to more of Tony’s features. I smiled at her as Bucky crouched just a bit to lift her and spin her in a light circle. “Bucky! No! Set me down!” She giggled, bracing herself on his shoulders.

               I smiled watching the two. Bucky had made it his mission to be there for Morgan. A way of thanking Tony for the pardon he’d been spared.

               “How has she been?” Pepper stood next to me, as regal as ever. I could see the lines of sadness still on her face, years down the road. Most of us still wore them. But she smiled genuinely and I could see the two were enjoying life again, living it out for him.

               “Good. I’ve been telling her more about Tony as the days go by. She loves learning about what he did.” Pepper chuckled, “She’s started messing with some of his old tools. FRIDAY has been helping to instruct her.”
               “Oh God, save us!” We giggled together at the prospect of Tiny Tony being just like her father. She’d been asking Bucky and myself about becoming an Avenger. We’d promised that when she was older if she didn’t chase a different career path. But ultimately it would be up to Pepper.

               As he sat her down on her feet, she came and hugged me gently, “Hey there kid. Being good for your mom, I hope?”

               She nodded at me laughing quietly. “I’m always good for her. When do I get to come stay with you in the compound?”

               I put my fingers to my chin in a thinking motion, “Hmmm. Maybe… Never?” I chuckled as her face fell. “I’m kiddin’!” I wrapped my hand around her shoulders, “I’ll talk to your mom about it, okay?”

               She nodded eagerly, hugging me and Bucky one last time before skipping off after Pepper. We’d talked already, but with school looming over her again, Pepper was reluctant to let her stay. Knowing how we all were, we’d let her stay up and eat the junk she wanted. We spoiled her, like Tony would have hated.

               The two of us moved to the kitchen, I rummaged around to make some coffee and a bagel. It was later than I liked but I figured that Yelena would stop for pizza. It was Friday, after all.

               We watched the news as I finished my coffee, Bucky hugged me as he headed off to bed. Wishing me well and good sleep. He was taking over some physical training tomorrow since he was our resident super soldier now.

               I cleaned up my mess, turning off the TV as I headed off to my room.

               “Miss Y/L/N.” FRIDAY’s robotic voice sounded around me, and I shut the book I’d been reading. “Mr. Wilson has requested your assistance of Mr. Barnes in training tomorrow. Considering how well you hold your own against him.”

               I sighed, “What time?”

               “0600.” The military time made me huff. Of course. I looked at my watch, it was already 9pm! “Of course, FRIDAY. Let him know I’ll be there.”

               I heard the beep of affirmation and stood to unlock my door. I brushed my teeth, pulled my hair up and washed my face. I stripped down to put on my night tank top and shorts.

               I crawled under my sheets, settling in for the night. I hated to not be able to spend some time with Yelena, but duty calls.

I woke to a pair of lips tracing down my neck to my collar bone. A hand under my shorts, the other fondling at my breast.

               I peaked an eye open, seeing Yelena’s blue eyes piercing my own. Hers lust laden and heavy with excitement. I glanced at the time, only midnight. Fuck it, we had time.

               It finally dawned on me what she was wearing.

               “Oh shit, baby.” I breathed out, my fingers deftly tracing the curve of her body under the skintight latex suit. “You’re trying to kill me.”

               She laughed, nipping at my ear as she sat up, she pushed my shirt up and over my head. Tossing it to the floor as lifted my hips up to pull my shorts off as well.

               She flipped up the headboard, revealing the two circular hooks. “Just your hands today. I want to see your legs kick at the pleasure.” She purred out as she brought my hands together in front of me. She wrapped the scarf first, then tied the rope tightly before bringing my hands above my head. She tied the two ends of rope to the hooks before her mouth found my left breast.

               She nipped and licked at my nipple, her teeth grazing the sensitive bud as her hand lowered to my now wet cunt. A finger slipped into my folds, swirling around gently before she pressed upwards, eliciting a long moan from the pressure.

               She pushed a second finger in, scissoring the two to stretch my walls. That meant she brought the strap this time. Probably trying to get on my good side, considering her newest target. I was right it would seem.

               “You know, this won’t keep us from that con-” She placed a latex gloved hand over my mouth, shushing me.

               “I know. Tomorrow.” I felt the tip of what I could only assume to be the strap she’d chosen for tonight, brush along the side of my breast before she swirled the tip over my nipple.

               I caught her eyes. She smiled at me before straddling my waist and gripping the sides of my breasts. Making them bounce for a moment before she pressed them to encompass the dick.

               I smiled before leaning my head up just enough to gather some spit and hit the tip. She let some spit dribble from her own lips as she let a breast fall to smooth the spit along the dick.

               She tit fucked me to her hearts content before she moved down, rubbing herself along my stomach. I could feel her slick coating me. I looked at her hips, “Oh you dirty, dirty girl!”

               She laughed, the latex suit had been cut along her folds to allow herself to use a double-sided dildo to make sure she could fuck me and herself.

               She pushed the dildo down, rubbing it against my clit and through my folds, groaning as she did so. I grinned wolfishly, that’s why she tied my hands down so I can’t take control. Sneaky, sneaky.

               She pushed my legs apart, I looped them around her ass, kneading my heels into the soft flesh of her backside.

               She slowly pushed herself in, letting her hips fall flush with my own. She groaned as her head fell to rest against my breasts.

               I clamped down and wiggled my hips, her eyes snapping open as she moaned. He placed her hand against the inside of my thigh as she started a steady pace, ensuring our clits rubbed against each other as she bottomed out each time.

               Before long, that heat and pressure had built in my core. I was squirming with the need to cum, but I knew she wouldn’t let me off that easy.

               “Ye-yelna… Please. Please….” I was whining, I knew that wouldn’t sit well. But it had been so long.

               “Please what?” Her teeth nipped my neck, another moan falling from me as she grunted with an extra bit of force. “Use that pretty mouth.”

               “Please. Pl-please let me cum!” I was louder than I’d meant to be, but it wasn’t some big secret that me and Yelena were together.

               My legs had unhooked from her waist, sometimes my knees raised, other times my legs stretched out almost painfully as I fought the urge to just release.

               She didn’t answer me, only let her thumb fall to my clit, rubbing circles as she started pounding down into me.

               She shoved my legs above my head, my knees buckling over her shoulders as the pleasure intensified to almost unbearable.

               “Yelena!” I was coated in sweat, my legs slipping from her shoulders from the latex not being able to get a grip on my skin now.

               She unhooked my arms, pulling the rope and scarf from my wrists. I sat up, pulling for the zipper of the suit, shoving it down her shoulders so I could kiss along her shoulders and breasts to distract myself from the growing coil in my core.

               She was panting, her chest heaving as her hips started to stutter. My fingers found her clit as she continued to swirl my own bundle of nerves. “Shit! Y/N!” With an over eager thrust, I felt her shake as she stilled to allow her orgasm to wash over her. I kept rubbing at her clit for a moment more as she stilled some, still heaving from the exertion.

               I smiled as I fondled her breasts for a moment, appreciating their roundness and fullness.

               She smiled against my chest, pulling her head up to kiss me. “Cum for me. Cum for me right now, cum right on our shared cock.”               

               Her words forced the coil in my core to tighten painfully and explode as I came, my body convulsing and falling back against my sheets.

               I huffed as she pulled out from me, her hands trailing my body for a moment before she pulled the dildo from her own walls and threw it on my floor, “Hey!”
               She only smiled at me as she pushed the skintight suit down from her body. Throwing it off to the side as well.

               I gripped at her hips, pulling her so she was seated gracefully across my face. I smiled against her folds as I let my tongue flick out. Lapping up her juices for a moment as I set to work. Sucking on her clit as I let two fingers fall into her folds. Still warm from her orgasm I moaned against her.

               Her hands gripped at my hair and I smiled as another moan fell from me.

               With that vibration to her clit, she came again, gracing my mouth and chin with her delicious fluids. I smiled as I lapped them up, drinking them in greedily as she lowered her body to lay on me.

               She trailed soft circles around my sides, the scars there showing clear as day. The consequence I paid to save the multiverse once.

               I sighed softly as I carded my hands through her hair, smiling as I felt her breathing even. I peaked at her face, peace. She’d fallen asleep.

               The clock read 1am as I pulled my sheet around us. Keeping our bodies from any potential eyes if anyone entered to get me in the morning.

               I kissed her head once, rubbing at her back, “Please. Please don’t take that job. He’s been through enough. He’s guilty for a choice she made.”